When does it stop?

I am starting to believe the answer to this is never. I think being an adult means having to find the best way to deal with the one thing after another...and usually this is "one shit thing after another". Sometimes I think maybe I am too young to be putting myself under all this pressure? I have friends who go out and party all weekend, spend their money on clothes and fun things. Yet here I am sitting in my career oriented job, trying to work out how to save for a wedding, pay off a mortgage, which comes with rates and insurances, car registrationg and deal with the ATO who won't get off my back?

Sometimes I just don't know if it was worth going to university. I garuntee majority of people who didn't earn just as much or more than me, and dont have a $24k HECs debt that they have to pay off. I don't regret doing my degrees, I learnt a lot of valuable lessons and life skills, but I do often wonder, what was the point?

A friend told me the other day, that she believes that life won't through anything at you that you can not handle, but this past week has been incredibly tough, especially because as I write this very blog, my cousin, a young intelligent fantastic guy, is going through what seems his millionth surgery to save him from the cancer that continues to rage his body. And I guess I don't get how its fair. When will life throw something fun my way? Yes I do fun things, but usually I can't enjoy them to the full extent, because I can't afford to have a drink, or the food options has lactose in it, or someone will get jealous or angry at me. Well thats how it feels to me at the moment anyways, and its just too much.

I try to focus on the good, like planning the wedding, and then I think, how am I meant to pay for this? I don't want to get a loan, I dont think thats a good way to start a marriage... Then I try and focus on having a house, something I wanted for so long, and even though I love it, sometimes I think, if I didnt have to pay this bill, I could go out for dinner tonight, or if the house insurance weren't due, I would be able to see my favourite team in the world play a qualifying final. I have never missed a Collingwood qualifying final (not when they have been in melbourne) ever! So I am a little disappointed that I can't make it to the G on Friday night.

I love that I am marrying the man of my dreams, I love my house and my car too and I actually wouldn't change them for anything, sometimes I would just like to be a kid again....