Ok so I have just realised I have been incredibly slack in my posting, and I actually haven't posted since getting the news that I didn't get the job that I had risked it all for, so I guess in a way its like a broken promise. I thought that it would work out, and honestly didn't really think through the consequences if it didn't.
Obviously it has affected me a little more than what it should have, I have been left feeling a little helpless, a little worthless and slightly devoid of direction. Of the past two months, I have actually spent my time almost in a state of depression, nothing to be overly concerned about, but for a number of reasons I stopped feeling like i deserved better, I stopped enjoying planning the wedding, and felt like maybe I had some sort of bad Karma surrounding me, causing things to keep going wrong for me.
But it has taken two things in the last few weeks to snap me back to reality. I am a good person, I have always worked hard and I am certainly worth more than sitting in front of a TV watching One Tree Hill or Glee to pass the hours by before Darren comes home from a day at work. Number 1, due to a falling out with a friend, I had been second guessing myself as a person, whether or not I treat people right, and when I think back through my life, I have always put other people first, what they wanted to do, and what they wanted me to do, whatever it was, I did it. And because of the selflessness I believe I was always a good friend to everyone whom I met. It took my cousin, a man that I will always look up to, he has been suffering from a serious illness for a long time now, and last week he told me that he had been given 6 months left to live. It opened my eyes, what if I was told tomorrow that I had 6 months to live, I certainly wouldn't spend it watching Glee and One Tree Hill and certainly wouldn't spend it worrying why someone who I thought was my best friend could just walk away, because I have so many other good things in my life to look forward too, many other friends to spend my time with.
Secondly, just today, in a much more positive way, a friend of mine inspired me to start writing my blog again, and she wouldn't have even known that she did it, all she did was give me the link to her own wedding blog, http://thethaibride.blogspot.com.au/ if you are interested. Writing this blog is good for me, its the best way to get all of my thoughts out into the world.
Today I am going to stop worrying about the things that I don' have, and instead focus on the things that I do have, and that is, I somewhat have a job....well I work maybe 10 days/nights a month, which is better than not working at all, I have 3 potential full time job prospects in the works, I have also been accepted in university at RMIT if I choose to return or defer, most importantly I have friends and family who would be there for me no matter what. I won't mention there names, but there has been a lot of support the last few weeks from 3 amazing girls in my life, my very special fiance and a boy who is absolutely my brother from another mother, and to all of you I say thank you, because you have all been my rocks and have helped me get my perspective back on focus.
I must say not working has allowed me to get a lot of wedding planning completed, but I won't start on that in this post. I think I will leave it for another day, mostly so it means that I will stop by again tomorrow to post again, for a sneak peak there will be details of the reception menu, the make-up and hair styles, there will also be bridesmaids dresses to come, the cake details, I have also completed seating charts, the music list, quite simply I have nearly done it all.
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