Reminiscent

Today I find myself reminiscing, it always happens at this time of the year. It's because this is when I get my new diary and transfer anything of importance across, and find myself reading what I did on which days! The start of 2011 I was so happy, working at national foods and Dahlsens. Yet all I wanted was a full time job because I thought that would be easier to manage and less stressful...

Geez I got that wrong didn't I? Anyways my diary also tells a story of what I gave up for a so called career...even though flexible hours were part of my taking the job! Monday's read basketball, tuesdays read gym in morning and netball training at night, Wednesday's, Thursday's and Friday's also all read gym. Weekends usually consisted of work or fun nights out with girlfriends. All of which was soon to be forgotten, once I got to the February dates, I remembered what it was like to tutor, the thrill of going for job interviews, or some I should have gone for instead of canceling them when I got a job offer..

Then it was march, future music festival, more exercise, walks with friends, well until mid march anyways...that's when I started the full time job, the time I would usually play sport was taken up by sitting on a train, lunch breaks were non existent, overtime was the norm and no energy was ever left over on the weekend, and what was, again was spent trying to catch up with my work load.

What struck me today is that I'm not disappointed in the place, I'm disappointed in myself, why did I cancel interviews and turn down other roles to begin with? But mostly why did I let it go on, even after being seriously Ill with pneumonia didn't seem to make a difference and it should of, back at work after two weeks, 10kg lighter and still no lunch break, still working til midnight to keep up, and why? Why should any job be worth that?

I guess by may I finally came to my senses, and no longer would I stay back, no longer would I go through the day with out lunch, finally I stood up for myself and did what was right for me! I started on the job hunt, the dream job came up and I had an interview at the afl, something that I have never mentioned until now, but my confidence was that low that I gave a horrible interview and with that obviously didn't get the job.

I am never going to let that happen again! I was good at my job, I am a good person and I am competent to handle what anyone throws at me, and I know this because I have tackled a lot in my childhood and since and if anyone ever makes me feel like I am inferior or unable again, I will resign on the spot! Maybe that's strong or maybe it's irrational, but I refuse to ever again feel so low that I miss a golden opportunity.

Now that's not at all about weddings today, but hey at least you got some insight into the inner workings of my brain, all because of a diary changeover...I look forward to the 2014 diary when I get to see my wedding date in the past and I'm guessing I'll have a tale or two to tell about that day too...